Beautiful Revision

The image I saw in the mirror yesterday doesn't fit the image I see today...

In our quest to become healthier, lose weight, change our image, etc...we must be careful that we don't pick up the world's belief system about ourselves.  It's interesting how we become so consumed with our own portrait while trying to become someone else.  It amazes me that we our so determined to dress, look, and act like the people that surround us...I promise that woman you desire to be only exist in your head.  So, I ask you...what is your definition of beauty?

As a child I looked at my mother as one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.  I used to sit on her bed and watch her get ready in the morning...!  She would walk around her bedroom stark naked, without any regard to me sitting there.  I remember watching her bounce from her vanity, to the closet, back to the vanity while dressing for the day.  She didn't have a pattern to her process, but it was intriguing to watch.   She wasn't intimidated by my presence or distracted by insecurities.  As I sat on her bed...watching in absolute fascination...I was mesmerized and never uttered a word...afraid I might lose the moment.  I stared at the woman I desired to be!  She had the perfect skin-tone, she was so tall and her legs went on for miles.  Her amber hair glistened from the bathroom light.  My mother was beauty! She was everything that I hoped to embody when my adolescence reached the maturity of a womanhood.

Most women disqualify themselves from beauty because they do not resemble the one who graces the cover of a magazine.  My mother was the epitome of grace and beauty!  Her fame would not be created by her beauty according to today's standards.  My mother was a size 12, her stomach was laced with the evidence of bearing 5 children.  Her hair glistened in the light because it was touched with sliver that often adorns us as we mature in age.  I never saw the very things that would disqualify her from beauty by others. Her fame was created by the admiration of her daughter longing to be just like her!

When we haven't been told what to believe we have the privilege of innocence to decide.  Today, I recognize the woman in the mirror as my mother!  My body size has changed, my hair has lost it's natural lustre and I am quite certain that my face reflects the years and life that I have lived.  The woman that my mother was as a little girl was a woman that I hoped to be...So, today as I look in the mirror I choose to embrace that beauty.

"Beauty is not caused!  It is." Emily Dickinson

No Need to Abandon

People wake up everyday hating the life they are living...

Surrendering to hatred is easier than working towards acceptance.  Acceptance doesn't mean you release the desires of your heart.  Acceptance is receiving what is at hand favorably.  People believe if they accept or become content with their life they must abandon the other for the greater or vice a versa.

I'm going to use child rearing as an example for the sake that every person reading has been affected by this particular experience, either as the child or as a parent.  Women (because statistically they are more often to stay at home) find themselves resenting the role of motherhood, because they feel they must choose between raising their children or the other.  The other is a generic term for anything you desire beyond parenting.   Most people feel they must choose something that will ultimately sacrifice the other.  In turn, they find themselves relinquishing the desires of the heart.

The statement, "You can't have it all," has molded our generation into living miserable lives because it has forced us to believe that we MUST choose.  I am not a feminist!  Though I am grateful for women's liberation, I do not relish in all its ideas!  I am a woman who felt when I had my first child I had to choose between being a stay-at-home mom or the other.  I chose to stay-at-home.  When making this decision I felt I had to abandon my life for many years and be satisfied with the identity of motherhood. For years, I fought the sacrifice I believed I had given.  It was necessary to resolve the desire for more if I was going to be a "good" mother.  In turn, accepting the statement, "You can't have it all!"  When people feel powerless they begin resenting the life they are living.

Believing the previous statement only presents a false perspective for your life.  If we are required to abandon our desires for the other then why were the desires placed there in the first place?  Abandon means to walk away, give up, to desert, and to forsake.  I trust that the desires that  I have in my life were not placed there by me.  So, to abandon them seems contradictory to the character of the one who placed them.

ACCEPTING the season your life presents is to receive the situation positively.   If you can be content with your life and not rush through each stage you will find gratification in each season.  Don't fear the time frame!  Accept your life and allow Him to be the author of your story!  When you learn to do this He will reveal, "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!"  So, it's time to start living...

Happiness

People spend most of their life pursuing their dreams hoping to find happiness. In this pursuit they try things like college, careers, relationships, marriage and/or parenthood in search of the thing that all of us believe in. The misfortune is that people believe that this can be found in the ABILITY to achieve the GREATER.

Unfortunately, in the pursuit we often forget what we are looking for and make a bed in discontentment. We find ourselves discontent in every area of our lives and begin to believe that if we work harder, stay longer, commit to more we will soon be satisfied. Ultimately thrusting us into happiness. This misconception reduces us to lead miserable lives full of regret. And in the end you will find that you missed out on the beautiful gift you were given. LIFE!

Happiness is found in contentment! Happiness will not be found in the status, rank, or position in your life. Learn to ACCEPT each stage of your life and you will discover the person you were created to be…and that is the road to happiness!

Dirty Windows

Our mind can be a very dangerous place to inhabit. Emotions from past experiences quickly find comfort in our head as if it were a playground created to toil with your hearts. Hurt/Pain will take up residency and try to dictate your current life if it is not dealt with properly. This is where we must find truth to what is playing around in our heads. Yes, many of us have had situation in our lives where some sort of pain was created. Is that pain real? Absolutely! Does it get to dictate who we are? Not even for a second!

Your belief system wants to convince you that what you believe is true. If you grew up believing you were inadequate, your belief system will create a world in your mind to validate that belief. The way you hear things, the way you interpret a conversation, or even the way someone is correcting you, is all tainted by the lie you believe in your head. For instance, it’s like looking through a dirty window; you never truly see the beauty because the dirt taints it. But if you took a moment and wiped away the debris that has been built up over time, you would find that the very thing you are looking at is beautifully clear and without distraction.

It’s time to clean the window, and allow God to take up residency in your mind. Never forget, “Lies aren’t the truth even if you believe them!” Old belief systems will paralyze your present life if you allow them too.

Transition

In the last two months I have been adjusting to my new life. When you pick up your family and move out of state, everything changes. My grocery store, my favorite Starbucks, my stylist, my children's pediatrician...I think you get the point.

Well, I have found that in this transition, the things that I took for granted everyday are now missing. For many people, the comfort of your life is what brings peace to your day. Comfort in the familiar brings sanity to your world. My world has been flipped. My friends, are now a state away, my family, the church I knew my entire life are now just out of reach. The things that I would run to before, are no where to be found. This has launched me into a much deeper relationship with God. I have had to find comfort in my Father. This is a place that I believe He has longed for me to be. Curled up next to Him! With my "old life" just out of reach, it has caused me to really search for Him. The amazing part, "when you seek, you find!"

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

The Truth

I'm back...it's been a few days and I have returned with one of the most vulnerable blogs yet! I have been working on this one for a few days, but wasn't quite ready to post it until today!

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off at my grandmothers just before the summer ended. I was quite confused by this since I was supposed to start the ninth grade in a few short weeks. My grandmothers home was not a peaceful place and I was saddened that my mother would leave my sister and I there.

I do remember the property though! She lived on a beautiful piece of land that was lined with the most extravagant trees and a small vineyard. At the top of the driveway the house was set perfectly against the mountain. I do have a picturesque memory of the property. The inside of the house held such another reality. When we were outside we could be and become whatever we wanted, but inside there were rules. Strict rules.

During our stay with our grandmother my mother came to visit! I was so happy to see her. She must of come to pick us up. I ran straight to my room and began packing all my stuff. When I returned with bags in hand my mother was already outside in her car. I was so confused. Didn't she come to get us? As I ran to the window of the car she began driving away. My heart dropped as I chased the car down the entire drive, screaming for her to stop and take me with her. Unfortunately, the car never stopped! Then I heard the words that began shaping my life forever! "Elizabeth, your mother isn't coming back. This is a permanent situation." I ran back to the old smelly room and began to cry. I remember crying out to God, "why doesn't she want me anymore?" That question, was unanswered for decade.

I decided in a brief moment, that if my mother wasn't going to fight for me I will fight for her! So, I began planning, lying, scheming to get out of my grandmothers home. I planned to visit a friend who lived right next door to my mom. I promised that I would return back to my grandmothers, knowing in my heart I had no intention in returning to that home. I had to get out of there! As I arrived back in the Village where I lived no one had known of our quick departure...they just kept asking me why there were ambulances at our house the night before. My heart sunk! My heart seemed to find the pit of my stomach quite often those days.

In my search for my mother I was left with a terrible reality. My mother succumbed to her depression and took her own life! I am a daughter who's mother committed suicide. I have fought all my life with that reality. There was a time in my life that I wasn't even able to speak the truth of my mothers death. I would tell people she died from diabetes. But the truth is, SHE KILLED HERSELF! Now, that isn't a great friendship opener or even something that I need to tell everyone in my life. But I share the intimate details with you because it held me in a very dark place for a long time.

My mother took her life, but I took the blame! No one in my life around me blamed me, but I blamed myself. I held myself accountable for her decision. If, I had only been a better child. If, I only loved her more. If, I only listened better. If, I only hadn't been such a rebellious child! If, I only... See, I made up every excuse in the book of why this decision was my fault.

It's interesting that we can live a life completely bound by what we believe even if that belief holds no truth. We all have a a situation in our life that has been extremely painful. (A family member may not of committed suicide, but you hold some type of pain in your life) We can't allow painful circumstances in our lives to shape our belief system. I lived many years believing that my mothers decision had everything to do with me. Until, I started finding the truth. The truth wasn't found in physical research, but it was found in the heart of my Father. My Father, God! In my quest to find out who He was, He unveiled to me who I was. The Father's eyes are never on self, they are always on you. He started to uncover the beauty of who I was. Then, I uncovered the truth that I have lived my adult life around.

JEREMIAH 29:11
"I know that thoughts and plans I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans to take care of you, not abandoned you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

In this scripture, I found that the guilt that I carried about my mother wasn't even something that the God himself felt about me. I believed the lie, but it wasn't the truth. Circumstances may affect our lives, but they don't have to control our truth.

In our journey together, I hope God is unveiling the real you! Never forget, a lie isn't the truth even if you believe it!

A Layer of Film

How many of you have come a across a pond that is stagnate. Truly disgusting! You see the film laying across the water and the mosquitoes hovering just above the top. There is a stench that lingers in your nose and doesn't cease until you are yards away. When you approach a stagnate pool of water you know that death lingers there. Sometimes it is so bad that you can see how animals and fish have been affected from the lack of movement in the water. Usually you can see fish floating at the surface of the water...and others can be found by the perimeter. Being stagnate clearly breeds death.

This brings me to the complacency that many of us walk in our relationship with the Father. We are so content to arrive at church on Sunday, sit and listen and then check out until the next service presents itself the following week. Believe me, I am not here to bash on peoples attendance record, but I am here only to say that it is time that our lives revolve around our personal call.

You can almost smell the stench of a stagnate person. When they talk their verbiage is correct and their surroundings seem Godly, but the very breath of God doesn't exist in their heart. Their words produce nothing!

I have found that even in the beauty of the Forrest(church) where the pond(people) exist, we can find ourselves stagnate. Church goers, committed Christians, men of God, and women of God must be on the look out for this to creep into their lives. We can be so consumed by the daily tasks of life and find ourselves wanting more. When was the last time you stopped in your pursuit of Christianity and spent time with God! You can usher, greet, serve the elderly, feed the homeless, run back and forth to school events, and find yourself complacent. God is not looking for His relationship with you in all that you do, He wants to spend some time with you! I believe when we are intimate with God we resist complacency in our lives. Truly spending time with God outside of an event or project produces an intimacy that can not be achieved any other way.

A stagnate pond is calling out to be stirred. The moment there is movement the life that is underneath that water, moves to the surface and all of a sudden the pond is transformed. Movement keeps us from becoming stagnate, but the movement must be in God.

It's time we allow our waters to be stirred!