Transition

In the last two months I have been adjusting to my new life. When you pick up your family and move out of state, everything changes. My grocery store, my favorite Starbucks, my stylist, my children's pediatrician...I think you get the point.

Well, I have found that in this transition, the things that I took for granted everyday are now missing. For many people, the comfort of your life is what brings peace to your day. Comfort in the familiar brings sanity to your world. My world has been flipped. My friends, are now a state away, my family, the church I knew my entire life are now just out of reach. The things that I would run to before, are no where to be found. This has launched me into a much deeper relationship with God. I have had to find comfort in my Father. This is a place that I believe He has longed for me to be. Curled up next to Him! With my "old life" just out of reach, it has caused me to really search for Him. The amazing part, "when you seek, you find!"

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

The Truth

I'm back...it's been a few days and I have returned with one of the most vulnerable blogs yet! I have been working on this one for a few days, but wasn't quite ready to post it until today!

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off at my grandmothers just before the summer ended. I was quite confused by this since I was supposed to start the ninth grade in a few short weeks. My grandmothers home was not a peaceful place and I was saddened that my mother would leave my sister and I there.

I do remember the property though! She lived on a beautiful piece of land that was lined with the most extravagant trees and a small vineyard. At the top of the driveway the house was set perfectly against the mountain. I do have a picturesque memory of the property. The inside of the house held such another reality. When we were outside we could be and become whatever we wanted, but inside there were rules. Strict rules.

During our stay with our grandmother my mother came to visit! I was so happy to see her. She must of come to pick us up. I ran straight to my room and began packing all my stuff. When I returned with bags in hand my mother was already outside in her car. I was so confused. Didn't she come to get us? As I ran to the window of the car she began driving away. My heart dropped as I chased the car down the entire drive, screaming for her to stop and take me with her. Unfortunately, the car never stopped! Then I heard the words that began shaping my life forever! "Elizabeth, your mother isn't coming back. This is a permanent situation." I ran back to the old smelly room and began to cry. I remember crying out to God, "why doesn't she want me anymore?" That question, was unanswered for decade.

I decided in a brief moment, that if my mother wasn't going to fight for me I will fight for her! So, I began planning, lying, scheming to get out of my grandmothers home. I planned to visit a friend who lived right next door to my mom. I promised that I would return back to my grandmothers, knowing in my heart I had no intention in returning to that home. I had to get out of there! As I arrived back in the Village where I lived no one had known of our quick departure...they just kept asking me why there were ambulances at our house the night before. My heart sunk! My heart seemed to find the pit of my stomach quite often those days.

In my search for my mother I was left with a terrible reality. My mother succumbed to her depression and took her own life! I am a daughter who's mother committed suicide. I have fought all my life with that reality. There was a time in my life that I wasn't even able to speak the truth of my mothers death. I would tell people she died from diabetes. But the truth is, SHE KILLED HERSELF! Now, that isn't a great friendship opener or even something that I need to tell everyone in my life. But I share the intimate details with you because it held me in a very dark place for a long time.

My mother took her life, but I took the blame! No one in my life around me blamed me, but I blamed myself. I held myself accountable for her decision. If, I had only been a better child. If, I only loved her more. If, I only listened better. If, I only hadn't been such a rebellious child! If, I only... See, I made up every excuse in the book of why this decision was my fault.

It's interesting that we can live a life completely bound by what we believe even if that belief holds no truth. We all have a a situation in our life that has been extremely painful. (A family member may not of committed suicide, but you hold some type of pain in your life) We can't allow painful circumstances in our lives to shape our belief system. I lived many years believing that my mothers decision had everything to do with me. Until, I started finding the truth. The truth wasn't found in physical research, but it was found in the heart of my Father. My Father, God! In my quest to find out who He was, He unveiled to me who I was. The Father's eyes are never on self, they are always on you. He started to uncover the beauty of who I was. Then, I uncovered the truth that I have lived my adult life around.

JEREMIAH 29:11
"I know that thoughts and plans I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans to take care of you, not abandoned you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

In this scripture, I found that the guilt that I carried about my mother wasn't even something that the God himself felt about me. I believed the lie, but it wasn't the truth. Circumstances may affect our lives, but they don't have to control our truth.

In our journey together, I hope God is unveiling the real you! Never forget, a lie isn't the truth even if you believe it!

A Layer of Film

How many of you have come a across a pond that is stagnate. Truly disgusting! You see the film laying across the water and the mosquitoes hovering just above the top. There is a stench that lingers in your nose and doesn't cease until you are yards away. When you approach a stagnate pool of water you know that death lingers there. Sometimes it is so bad that you can see how animals and fish have been affected from the lack of movement in the water. Usually you can see fish floating at the surface of the water...and others can be found by the perimeter. Being stagnate clearly breeds death.

This brings me to the complacency that many of us walk in our relationship with the Father. We are so content to arrive at church on Sunday, sit and listen and then check out until the next service presents itself the following week. Believe me, I am not here to bash on peoples attendance record, but I am here only to say that it is time that our lives revolve around our personal call.

You can almost smell the stench of a stagnate person. When they talk their verbiage is correct and their surroundings seem Godly, but the very breath of God doesn't exist in their heart. Their words produce nothing!

I have found that even in the beauty of the Forrest(church) where the pond(people) exist, we can find ourselves stagnate. Church goers, committed Christians, men of God, and women of God must be on the look out for this to creep into their lives. We can be so consumed by the daily tasks of life and find ourselves wanting more. When was the last time you stopped in your pursuit of Christianity and spent time with God! You can usher, greet, serve the elderly, feed the homeless, run back and forth to school events, and find yourself complacent. God is not looking for His relationship with you in all that you do, He wants to spend some time with you! I believe when we are intimate with God we resist complacency in our lives. Truly spending time with God outside of an event or project produces an intimacy that can not be achieved any other way.

A stagnate pond is calling out to be stirred. The moment there is movement the life that is underneath that water, moves to the surface and all of a sudden the pond is transformed. Movement keeps us from becoming stagnate, but the movement must be in God.

It's time we allow our waters to be stirred!

The Edge (Mediocrity) Pt. 2

and yesterday will continue...

I think we are addicted to mediocrity! Being average seems to be enough for most of us. What is it about just maintaining that seems to be enough for people? I am tired of maintaining, or should I just say sustaining. Our life should be full of adventure! I am not talking about jumping out of a plane adventure! (though that is something I have always wanted to do)I am talking about the adventure that leaves us breathless and standing back in the awe of contentment! I know that probably sounds as if I am contradicting myself...adventure and contentment. But when was the last time you walked into a department store, a cosmetic counter or the gym and left a wonderful piece of yourself.

When you go about your day are you completely consumed with yourself? Or do you wonder how you can impact those around you? Each of us carry a unique sphere of influence, and we should take advantage of it! Men and women come across all types of people depending on the world they live in. Can you think of the last time you stepped out of your world and decided to reach beyond your life to impact others. I love the Pay It Forward, concept! It is truly time for us to stop being average and be extraordinary every day of our lives. We can not live our lives to just exist...we have to come to place where we are determined to risk our fears, and LIVE LIFE WITH OTHERS!

Tomorrow I challenge you to go beyond your comfort zone and pour a piece of your life into someone you come in contact with. I guarantee you will walk away breathless in contentment. I truly believe when we give our lives to others we receive greater satisfaction then the one we poured into. Don't submit to mediocrity, but decide to be and live an extraordinary life.

The Edge (Dream) Pt. 1

I have this wonderful memory as a child. I grew up in San Clemente, California and every time it would rain we would drive to the pier at night and begin our adventure. My mother and I would skip down the pier singing the theme song to the "Wizard of Oz!" We would skip, laugh and sing at the top of lungs while every article of clothing was being drenched by each drop.

This memory holds so much more than laughter,it holds valuable knowledge that I did not recognize until I was an adult. We would skip and sing until we would reach the end. Once we would arrive at the end of the pier we would look out into the dark abyss. You could hear the waves crashing, you could smell the salt water and taste the rain drops on your lips. The whole experience was exhilarating. Each time we would reach the end of the pier there was this amazing disappointment that it had come to an end. I longed for that moment to continue. I wanted to go further, I wished that I could step right off the end of the pier and magically it would keep going.

When we approached the end my mother would grab me by the hand and pull me close to the edge and say, "Elizabeth you can be anything you can possibly dream of!" I used to love those words! I knew what she was going to say each time, but it inspired me as a young child, but I never truly understood what she meant until later in my life.

The words were not about just picking out what I would become as an adult. That statement held so much more truth. That statement was about dreaming! In order to achieve you must see yourself in that place before it's fruition. Dreams are visual; they evoke emotion, commitment and longing.

When standing at the edge of a pier people are confronted with two options. One, they can turn around and go back because the pier came to the end. When these types of people look out into the distance they only see black. If all you see at the end of the pier is the option to turn around, you will never live out your full potential. Life doesn't always hold disappointment and failure. The second option is to look beyond the black. You can not see the ocean, but you know that it exists! It is time to look past the end and embrace what is beyond. The ocean continues on forever and it is filled with wonder. The ocean is even filled with things that haven't been discovered. It's time to look past what your natural eyes can see. Do not let life slip between your fingers because you are afraid to risk the unknown.

Grab a hold of that dream and begin to live it out. Look pass the edges of the pier, look into the distance and see the future waiting for you. It's time to dream again and stop surrendering your life to mediocrity!

Beauty

Our life has been woven into a beautiful tapestry. Some of the tapestry hasn't always been the very best fabric or yarn, but in the end there is a beautiful piece of fabric that tells a remarkable story. We don't always get to pick the colors, the texture or the design...but we decide where that tapestry will be put on display. When a tapestry is completed it is put on display for the world to admire it's beauty.

Allow God to use the story of your life to reach beyond the borders of your heart.
During the hardest places in our lives...there is fabric still being woven into our final tapestry. Allow God to create the final piece and never forget that He traded BEAUTY FOR ASHES!

A Few Words

Jeremiah 33:3

...call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own...

So, true! Today I am a woman of few words...

STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT ALL ON YOUR OWN!

This is what is radiating in my heart today. Nothing more needs to be said...I hope it was enough for you, because it was surely the wisdom I needed to today!

Discovery in Coffee

The other day I went to my favorite coffee shop with a friend. I ordered one of my favorites, a decaf sugar free cinnamon caramel latte. She ordered a long black with room for cream. There is significance in our drinks, I promise. We sat outside at 7:00AM enjoying the beautiful crisp morning. We both had literally just rolled out of bed. We sat in each others presence in our favorite sweats without judgment or insecurity...so we thought! As we played catch up on each other’s lives and gave advice on conflict in our own. I found myself staring at her drink across the table. I was completely distracted that after 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes she hadn't touched her drink. I am a classic Ally McBeal coffee drinker. My coffee has a purpose. There is a specific reason I order each drink that I consume. The flavor, the size, the temperature, it all has a purpose. The first sip is the defining moment of the mood of the coffee. My coffee brings back memories, moments, smells; it is a piece of tapestry in my life. I know it probably sounds crazy, but there is a mood behind every cup! Do I order a Chai, an ice tea, a latte, with whip or without? Heavy foam or extra hot each decision carries it's own result. As I continue drinking my own cup of Christmas I am still completely frazzled that the other cup is sitting there untouched! Why? My friend began sharing the identity crisis she was having. She was on a journey to find out who she was. In her research she had found that she had changed over the years to become a person that others approved of. She lost the very essence of who she was. I think in our quest for approval we often find that we alter our lives to fit into others. We need to remember that in our quest for relationships, we should find them adding to our lives not stripping us of our identity. My friend sat there realizing she hadn't been true to herself for a very long time. Finally, she asked herself, who am I? This is a question that all women should be asking themselves. Who are YOU? What do you like? What do you not like? Can you answer those questions without being influenced by others opinions, judgments or even approval. In my friends search or should I say in her victory...outside a little coffee shop she realized that time and time again she ordered a coffee that someone else always ordered, over time she had come accustom to releasing her desires, even in a simple cup of coffee. That morning we discovered that she never even liked the coffee she had committed to buying for years. So, in our dying to ourselves we need to know that we do not do this for man's approval, but we do it only to discover who He created us to be! Maybe it's time to leave your coffee untouched!

Living

Day Two! Yes, I came back!

So here I am again! My promise to my readers was to be real and honest! With that said, I must share the challenges I faced last night and all day today. I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned the entire evening. It was as if the moment I pushed PUBLISH POST, I was plagued with anxiety. I felt inadequate along with a totally lack of confidence in who I am.

So today, I pondered and found myself in a situation that most of us live in. We allow fear to keep us from moving forward in our lives. Fear of rejection and fear of failure! This fear keeps us bound and holds us captive. Leaving us paralyzed and unable to live the very life that we were created for. Life is a choice. Today, I choose to live my life. I want to look boldly into the face of my fears and say, "no longer will I dwell in this place and allow it to control me!"

What are we really afraid of, maybe the real truth is we are afraid of the success that comes with our obedience in living the destiny of our lives!

The First Step...

I have been inspired! I have been playing around with the idea of starting a blog, but haven't had the guts to do it until now. With some encouragement from a new friend, I am stepping out into the world of technology and putting myself out there! So, here I am world. I hope you love me...and if you don't I will still wake up tomorrow morning and continue my BLOG!

My purpose..., To do life with others! I want to share my journey as a woman. There are unspoken truths to all of our lives. The biggest one I believe is "The Very Loud, but Quiet Life of Women! " What do I mean by this? Most of us live a very quiet life due to the loud self talk that takes place in our heads. For example, how many of you have ventured out to do something, but talked yourself out of it before you even began? That is my case and point! We often become paralyzed in our lives, and will find that our biggest enemy is the person staring back at you in the mirror. I am on a quest to change that in my life...and hopefully inspire others to live their dreams in the process.

My promise to my readers is to be real and honest! I have found that in transparency you find truth and freedom! Let's embark on this journey together and when we are finished, I believe we will find that the truth will set us free!